So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
do herpes really smell.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
