Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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