We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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