Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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