is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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