Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
