Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
