i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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