My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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