Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
