My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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