so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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