I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
