I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize