Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize