Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
