I think i peed on brittanys purse
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
