someone threw a dead crab at me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
