I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I still have a little drunk in my system
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize