I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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