i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
