you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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