And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
