Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
