I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
