sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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