do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
