i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize