Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
