at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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