I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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