Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize