So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
