Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
