she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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