Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
