That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
