What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
