don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize