you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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