my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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