I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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