Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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