GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
