Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
