I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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