she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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