I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
its not stalking. its research.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
