Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
