so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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