My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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