Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
