Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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