someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
