i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
