She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
