i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
