I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
