Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
