Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
