Have you finally orgasmed yet?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
