so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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