Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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