So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
