when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
