great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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