Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
