It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
