Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
